Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Mean Girls

I have plenty of experience with mean girls. There may or may not have been a few at a very important event in my life. But that's another story for another day. What really bothers me is that I have this problem letting go when a mean girl hurts me. My family says that I can remember things people did to me when I was in Kindergarten. They might be right.

When it comes to mean girls, I always want some kind of closure. I want them to realize that what they did to me was wrong and regret it. I always hear that karma will get these girls, but karma always seems too slow for me.

When I was in grad school, I took advantage of the free counseling (well, as free as it gets when you pay a million dollars in tuition) at my school. I wanted to talk to someone about the fact that I hold grudges. We talked about why I felt so hurt about being wronged in different situations and how I could let go of the anger and hurt that I held on to. And while the counselor was really helpful on certain topics, this was one she didn't really help me work out. I told her I wanted to hear that the person who hurt me regretted it. She just kept asking me what would change for me if I heard those words. I felt like if I heard that, I would feel like I could release the anger and hurt. Because after all, then I would come out on top. Right?

So freaking true. via
Maybe it's the competitor in me. I need to feel like I won. I think to some extent, we all want to know that when someone hurts us, they later realize how wrong they were. We just want to hear, "I'm sorry". Yet if we hold on to the anger, the mean girls get to go about their lives while we just wallow.

And that's the thing about mean girls. They don't know they are mean. Or if they do, they don't care because...well, they're mean!

As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that I can't hold other people up to the standards I've set for myself. I can't assume that others are going to be considerate and actually care about my feelings. I am also realizing that if I don't get rid of some of my hurt, I can't let new people into my life who will actually be positive forces for me.

Exactly. via

I know I'm so lucky to have my husband and to have narrowed down my friendships to people who truly matter to me and who truly care about me. Yet there is still a part of me that is hurt from past friendships. I don't need them in my life, yet for some reason I feel like I need the closure.

How do you let go of hurt and anger? How do you let/make yourself move on?


Sandra said...

I hold on to things as well. I also feel like I need the person to admit that they did wrong. But not so that I feel like I won. I feel like the person that hurt me should admit that they are wrong (so they realize it) so they won't do it again to someone else. What you said is exactly right. "I'm realizing that I can't hold other people up to the standards I've set for myself." I think we know how we'd act in certain instances and it's definitely NOT how others act.

Unknown said...

I dont tend to get mad , but when i do get mad/hurt/angry, it kinda just goes on its own when i distract my self with something. like my gymnastics or work

Jenn xo

Janine said...

So I knew several mean girls back in HS. I've heard that one got divorced because her husband was cheating on her. Another, who just thought she was the shit, well I've seen some pics of her on FB and she looks like my ugly grandma. I am pretty confident that karma has bitten the rest of them in the ass as well. I don't really need to know when and how because I'm too busy enjoying my life. And, more importantly, I always knew that I was the better person. Shake it off, you can't let that stuff drag you down. xoxo

Unknown said...

YOu and I have the most identical story ever! Wow. I am kind of just shocked because I feel like I just read my own autobiography! Went through all of these same emotions as you, and the only person who got me through it was my husband! And I am so thankful he helped me realize this!

vickichristine said...

My best advice is: never take anything personally. it makes it really easy to let things go and know that most everyone's actions have nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. :) xo