Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Motherhood and pregnancy thoughts at 38 weeks

As a first time mom, I am going through this pregnancy completely in awe of what my body is doing. There is a tiny person moving inside of me. Taking my air. Taking my nutrients. And definitely taking my energy.

37 weeks
 As I experience all of these things, I can't help but think about all of the other women who have gone through this in the past. See, as a first time mom, I like to think I'm special. Look what my body can do! But then I stop and think about how pregnancy is such a universal experience. Women have gone through this without saying a word for years. Women in far off places have these same experiences, no matter where they are from. And often times, we don't hear about their experiences. Sometimes when I see women around me with babies, I wonder what their pregnancy was like. Did people get excited for them? Did they feel these same feelings as I do?

What did women do before they had message boards and chat rooms and internet sites about pregnancy? I mean, obviously I know that they spoke to each other and made bonds with other mothers around them. It's just so different though. I can get a question answered by other women around the country and around the world in less than a minute. I can reach out to other women when I'm feeling anxious or scared. I can write a blog post and have friends reach out to me with the sweetest advice and reassuring words. 

To be completely honest, sometimes I get sad that this is my only "first time" experiencing pregnancy. If LoLo and I have another baby, it won't be as big of a deal. People won't be so understanding towards me or so excited about my experience. Of course we'll be excited and will look forward to meeting another new baby, but it won't be the same.

I'm at 38 weeks along now and it feels so strange to me that I could have a baby any day. It seems so unreal. People ask if I'm excited and my honest answer is "I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore, but I'm not sure I'm ready to have a baby." Those two things are very different for me.

I can't believe our little family of 2 (3 if you count Bronxy!) is going to grow any day now. The days of just me and LoLo are almost over. Right now I feel sad about that... but I know that once I see that tiny little face, I'll forget it. And that day could be sooner than I think...