Monday, July 9, 2012

That Carrie Bradshaw "Friend"

Everyone has that Carrie Bradshaw friend. You know, the one who, no matter what topic you bring up, somehow turns it into a conversation about her. You know what I'm talking about. If you've watched any episodes of Sex and the City, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Carrie does it in just about every one.

Right before this clip, Samantha was complaining about not being able to get into a private pool a block from her house. But instead of letting her complain, Carrie just haaaaaaaaad to change the subject to herself.

Really Carrie? Can we please just go through one conversation without having to talk about you?

I definitely have had really close friends who did this. And the whole time I was friends with them, I wondered to myself, "When is it ever about me?" (Take that! I have a blog that's ALL about me!)

The "friends" I've had that have been the most selfish have mostly been from New York City. In all seriousness, the sociologist in me wonders if this is a New York phenomenon. Think about it. 8 million people crammed into a tiny area. If you aren't selfish, you won't be able to grab the "scarce" resources (a seat on the train for example). Being selfish is a survival technique. Now I'm not saying all New Yorkers are like that, but I've just found that what many call the "New York Attitude" may be caused by a need to be selfish in order to survive. I know I had that attitude when I lived there.

Don't get me wrong, I love talking about myself. We all do. But at what point does it become selfish and inconsiderate?

Have we turned into a society of self-loving, if it's not about me I don't care, I want it and I want it now monsters? Are there so few people left in the world who actually care about others that we've come to accept selfishness as the norm?

The next time you find yourself in a conversation with your friends, stop yourself for a minute and think about how much you've actually listened. How much have you asked about their lives? How many times did you change the subject back to yourself a la Carrie Bradshaw?

 Oh and because I feel the need to talk about myself and a day when I really do make it all about me, my birthday is in exactly a week!!


Sandra said...

I had a friend like that. Notice I said had. It's intolerable. Of course we all talk about ourselves to a certain extent but this girl took it to another level. She is the definition of self-centered and my life if much better without her in it!

Unknown said...

Love this! It's so true, sadly that's how us New Yorkers usually function. I really do believe that it's the scarcity of resources that forces us to only talk about ourselves since there's only so much time in a New York minute we feel the need to fill the minute with our own anecdotes and neglect to listen to that of others. Awesome blog Erin, very entertaining!

Unknown said...

I love your theory about why new yorkers are "selfish"! lol. . so true, i see that in san francisco. . so many young kids trying to get "noticed". Being one of the more quiet people in my circle of friends i have had my share of spot light stealing friends. . and then i realized )through hours and hours of observation. . . cause what else am i going to do if you haven't stopped talking in over an hour?) it is all about self-validation. Everyone just wants other people to hear their side and say :yeah, i hear you, you are so right. . you're opinion/experience MATTERS. As soon as i started to view people as just needing to be seen and heard it stopped bugging me. . it also gave me the power to just walk away when i was over it. . . because my experience also matters and there is only so much complaining i can listen to about why the cashier was rude to you lol. . thanks for yet another awesome post Erin!

Lacey in the City said...

Carrie gets on my nerves for that exact reason, and I get annoyed that most people glorify her as a character and don't see that. The scene I remember the most is when she has her book party debut and Samantha gets a chemical peel. Samantha forces herself to go to this party to support her friend, and Carrie winces and makes quips at her about how she looks once she got there. True, she looked rough, but the girl sucked it up and put a smile on to back you up.

I try to be aware of this when I'm with groups, and always try to make sure to turn questions back around so that my friends can see that I care.

Anonymous said...

I thought I was the only one who thought this! Carrie is intolerable!!! SOooooo selfish!!! Incredibly selfish, complains too much, no longer men hate her no longer big doesnt want her, she should be thankful she has friends that can tolerate her; if she was my friend, well, she wouldnt ever be, I would explode and rip her ridiculous hair out