Saturday, April 14, 2012

The honeymoon is over...

Yay! I got a job! On Thursday, everything was written with exclamation points!! Today, not so much. Yes, I'm excited to have a job and start over new. I'm also extremely anxious and a little bit sad. I know what you're thinking...for 6 months (actually more like 10 since I knew I was losing my job last June), she has been sad and anxious because she didn't have a job and now she's sad and anxious because she does??

All day yesterday, I felt weepy and I couldn't figure it out. The tiniest things were making me cry. During the night, I had a dream that my younger cousin was mad at me and was being really mean about it and I cried in the dream. Then I woke up crying in real life. I cried watching the Red Sox opening day ceremonies (it really was nice, but definitely nothing to cry about). I cried because LoLo and I couldn't figure out what we wanted to make for dinner.

At that point, I just went up to my bed and laid there for a while. When LoLo (and Bronx) came to check on me, it finally hit me. I'm scared. I'm scared to go back to work because I want to make sure I can do everything they want me to do. I'm scared because since we moved into our house, I have been home all day, taking care of things here. I'm scared because Bronx has basically spent his entire life with me.

I felt confused...which added guilt to the feelings cocktail. So I googled it. When it doubt, google. Apparently, these are normal feelings. Many people who have been out of work for an extended period of time feel anxious and sad to go back to work. They feel scared that they might not be able to perform like they used to, they feel sad that they have to give up all the free time that they had and the comfortable routine they had created for themselves.

I know I will be fine. I'm a hard worker and I've always been able to adapt to new work environments. And the big advantage here is that I already know people there. I temped there for 3 weeks so I know what it's like. I know that I like it there. And I know they want me there. Like LoLo said, "They picked you for a reason, Erin."

But for now, to try to forget some of these feelings, I'm going to the gym, going to visit my grandfather, and I might even go look for a new work outfit. Retail therapy is also a real thing, right? Google it!






3 comments:

Oh hello, Love said...

YES! Retail therapy is definitely real. Hah. Shoulda booked a flight out for the vera bradley sale!!

lydia said...

I think you will be great! And Bronx is very adaptable not to mention cute heehee.

~ Dellah ~ said...

Oh my goodness I can totally relate. In 2010 while I was 6months preggers I was laid off from my pre-k teaching job in the city. It was a blessing in disguise because it allowed me to stay home with our 6 year old and raise our now 18month baby.. With my unemployment almost over and the realization that I need to get back out there, I feel anxiety everyday and get weepy, so you're totally normal. I hate to put Tristan in daycare so I'm pursuing more creative opportunities and will probably sub so that my schedule is more flexible. I'm glad I'm not alone, I'm sure you'll be fine and your kiddies will be so proud of you!