Monday, April 8, 2013

Ay, amor, tú eres mi religion

A couple of weeks ago, I tweeted that pregnancy hormones are no joke...and boy have I been feeling it! I'm up, I'm down, I'm crying without having any idea why...

I've already cried twice in the past two weeks when I heard a song I really liked. These songs aren't sad in any way, but they kept making me cry. This morning, I finally made the connection. Both of the songs were about telling someone how much they were loved.

Since getting pregnant, I wasn't sure how I would feel towards LoLo. Obviously, I had no doubt that I would love him, but would I be mad at him? Would I feel resentful? Would I feel like he just couldn't get it? Would I want him to just stay away from me?

And just the opposite has happened. I can honestly say I've never loved LoLo more than I love him right now. I've always said that I] feel overwhelmed with how much I love him. It seems to flow out of me. Anyone who sees me with him knows I have to hug him every 5 minutes. My brother in law and my sister mock me all the time, saying "Ohhhh LoLo, you are soooo cute!!" But I mean it. And since finding out I was pregnant, I just don't know how to contain my love for him. One of my favorite bloggers, Kate, wrote about this same feeling on her blog a couple of weeks ago and I could totally identify.

These past couple of weeks have been hard. I've been on "modified" bed rest even though my test came back normal because they just want me to be safe. LoLo has completely taken care of me. He has cooked, he has cleaned, he has gone food shopping, he bought me a whoopie pie when I really just couldn't stop thinking about it. He has gotten me a smoothie and hidden it in the fridge for me so that when I came home from work I could have it.

LoLo grilling up a steak in the oven for dinner
There have been times that I've felt guilty for not being able to contribute the way I normally would. He hasn't complained at all and has just done what needs to be done and tells me to relax.

And nothing makes me melt more than having him say he can't wait to see our baby. A couple of weeks ago when I went to a quick check up at the doctor's, the nurse let me hear the heartbeat. When I got home and told LoLo, he was so upset that he hadn't gotten to hear it.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or just the thought of having a little baby that could look like him, but I just feel so lucky to have LoLo and to be able to share this time with him.

Ay, amor, tú eres mi religion,
tú eres luz, tú eres mi sol,
abre el corazón, abre el corazón.

Hace tanto tiempo corazón, vivía en dolor, en el olvido.
Ay, amor eres mi bendición, mi religión, eres mi sol que cura el frío,
apareciste con tu luz, no, no, no me abandones, no, nunca mi amor,
gloria de los dos, tú eres sol, tu eres mi todo tú eres bendición.


Unknown said...

this is beautiful erin! I am soo sooo happy for you!

apostol cela said...

Danny is a Santana what do you expect? ;)

undomestic mama said...

Just wait until you actually SEE him with the baby. It's the cutest thing ever. Your heart will explode.

And, don't feel guilty, you're baking a baby and that's the most important job of all.