Sunday, January 12, 2014

Mom, married

A few weeks (months?) ago, I wrote about being a mom and working. I don't like to say a working mom because honestly, what mom isn't working? Moms who stay at home definitely work... just maybe not in the traditional sense one might think of.

This week, I've thought a lot about being a mom and being married. I had heard that marriage can get really difficult after you have a child (but let's be real, marriage is hard even without kids). I didn't doubt that LoLo and I would have our arguments and fights.

The first two weeks after Alexia was born, we rode the wave of sleeplessness and the high of having our beautiful little girl in our arms. We barely fought at all. He took care of every little thing I needed. He let me sleep in the mornings while he took the baby downstairs. He loved our little girl so much that I couldn't help but feel extreme love for him too.

But that wave slowly calmed and we came down from our high and our marriage took a back seat. Everything we did was for Alexia. I struggled through breastfeeding, going back to work, and trying to find enough time (and sleep) in the day to take care of Alexia, LoLo, and even Bronx. LoLo struggled through finding his role as a father, figuring out our little girl each week when he had one day alone with her while I worked.

obligatory cute baby pic. taken by my sister of course.

On our trip to New York to visit LoLo's family a few weeks ago, there was one day where I needed to run a few errands around the neighborhood in Queens. LoLo's mom offered to watch Alexia so that he could come with me. As we walked around the neighborhood, doing basic things that we had done a million times before, LoLo said to me, "I feel how I felt when we were first dating. I miss this."

This was me and LoLo as husband and wife rather than as Alexia's mom and dad. This was us, the basis of our relationship, laughing and joking through such menial tasks as going to the supermarket and stopping at the pharmacy.

She's lost some hair, but she's still adorable!
Being a mother is difficult. So is being a father. There are times that I feel resentful that LoLo doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night when the baby is hungry. And I know LoLo doesn't always love having to take out the trash or cook dinner. But this past week, after an argument over something really stupid, we looked at each other and said that we need to be the best married couple we can be. We have to set the best possible example for our daughter. Because being the best married couple we can be allows us to be the best parents we can be.


Anonymous said...

Alexia is ADORABLE.

I appreciate this post. I am having trouble pumping, working, and (quite frankly) staying awake - so my marriage seems to take a backseat WAY too often. We were joking back and forth on the way to work this morning and I realized that I actually *like* my husband. Who would've thought? Lol.

Marriage should be #1. Because happy parents are the best gift you can ever give a child.

undomestic mama said...

Oh how I love this. What I've found works best for us is dating each other. I've started leaving notes on his windshield again and texting him first thing in the morning to say hello rather than diving right into some parenting thing. There's plenty of time in the day for us to be parents, first thing in the morning I just need to say hello.

V. Nino said...

Parenthood is not easy, period. If you're a single parent it's hard doing it on your own. If you're married/partnered it's hard doing it with someone else! :)

This year my husband and I will celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary and our fourteenth year of being parents (yes, the math indicates we had our first child out of wedlock lol).

If I may give you some reassurance...

There is an ebb and flow to marriage, especially when children are involved. Highs, lows, middle of the's constantly revolving. But to me, that's the reassuring part. Even when our marriage feels a bit stagnant, I know that in a matter of time it will be OUR time again. Even if it's just a insightful conversation on one of our coffee dates that reignites the spark, or the way we make sure that our feet are at least touching in bed, you just have to have faith that as long as the two of you are COMMITTED for the long haul, love will be there at the end of the day.

Also, don't ever allow society make you think that "staying for the kids" during your lows is a bad thing. The kids are the best damned reason.:)

Again, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. She is very lucky to call you her mamma :)