It's official. At almost 31 weeks pregnant, I am just now getting anxious about this baby coming. And when I say anxious, I don't mean "Oh! I can't wait to meet this baby!", I mean "Please baby, stay in there until we are really ready". I know that sounds awful, and I know deep down, of course I want to meet our baby. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'm not going to be a good mom. I'm scared that I won't be able to keep our house clean (because who am I kidding, I don't keep our house clean as it is). I'm scared I won't be able to keep LoLo happy. I'm scared that Bronx is going to feel neglected and start acting out.
This past week has been a really hard one. I've cried a few times. I've sat here thinking, "I really should clean up around here" and then proceeded to take a 2.5 hour nap instead. I registered us for a childbirth education class and realized that the only weekend we could do it is the first weekend in August. 3 weeks before our due date. Which means there's always the possibility that we won't make it.
And I know LoLo is feeling anxious too. He's been ignoring things that normally he would have just done, like mowing the lawn. Our lawn is 3 feet tall. No exaggeration. I asked him this morning when he thought he'd be mowing it and he said, "I don't know...someday." and continued playing on the computer. When I asked him if he was just going to sit and play on the computer all day he said "Yeah, probably," even though he knows we have so much to do to prepare for this baby. The nursery is almost completely painted, but it has sat "almost done" for almost 2 weeks. (After I originally wrote this, he went outside and mowed the lawn and then came inside and cleaned the bathroom. Good husband.)
I know he's having a hard time and that he's getting just as worried as I am because when I get anxious, he is usually the one to come to my rescue and remind me that everything is going to be ok. But he's not doing that right now. He's stuck with his own emotions.
I have been really lucky to have a really easy pregnancy so far (knock on wood). I've coasted through with barely any pain and barely having to change my life. This week though, I finally started feeling some aches and pains. I finally wasn't able to tie my shoes myself because I can't bend over. And I think it finally hit me. I'm having a baby.